Thursday, April 3, 2008

Sexy Programmer Thursday: Technoeuphoria Version 6.0

Buenos Hotness, señoras y caballeros. Welcome, one and all, to the spiciest, steamiest, most salacious day of the week in which all of your naughtiest natural language processing desires will be fulfilled. That's right, aficionados of the arousing: it's Sexy Programmer Thursday! Words cannot express just how godlike this week's codeus superbeus truly is. Today's recipient is worthy of an entire month - no! - an entire year devoted to his special brand of sexy. Alas, we only have a week to share, but it will be one wonderfine week. So enough with the buildup; come get a taste of this sweet pastry of the program.

Our stud of the week is only pretty much responsible for the entire computer revolution in the free world. If I had been in Eden, I would have taken a bite of this Apple, too - the (co)founder of Apple, that is, none other than Slammin' Steve Wozniak. That other Apple cofounder may be more famous (to the amateurish masses, of course), but in the tournament of hotness, competitor Steve Jobs - you just got jobbed! The only golden delicious Apple people want to have in their pie is of the Wozniak variety. Mmm. Now that's tastetastic.

Our warrior Wozniak is the Renaissance man defined - there are simply too many fascinating details about our stud to even come close to scratching the surface of his sexy. But, here are just a few BREATHTAKING BITES about our mack of the Mac.

1) He rides a Segway the Sexyway. Our boy Steve is a studly member of Segway Polo (yeah - that's like horse polo or water polo, but awesome) team the Silicon Valley Aftershocks. He's even the namesake of the hottest titlematch out there - the Woz Challenge Cup. This year's championship will take place in that sizzlin' hotbed, Indianapolis, on August 7 - 9. Count me in. You know what? I'll be feeling Steve's aftershocks for a long time to come.

2) He is an On-fire Inventor Extraordinaire. Along with practically patenting smokin' hot, at the ripe young age of eleven, Wozniak created his own amateur radio station, surely controlling the airwaves of love. In sixth grade he dominated his science fair competitors with his prize winning tic-tac-toe playing machine. Oh! X can get this square! He also built a calculator at 13 and, oh yeah, his first computer that same year. He was in the hottest techno inventor club around, the Homebrew Computer Club, where he brought in the hotness, and, right, the Apple I and Apple II.

3) He is a Lascivious Libertine of Love. There is simply not enough of His Wozness to be contained to just one lady. Thrice married, Steve is currently dating the luckiest chica on the freakin planet, comedienne Kathy Griffin. Beacon of truth Us Magazine is even reporting that Ms. Thing is sporting an engagement ring from Wozzie. Whatevs. If I have to wait around to be eighth Mrs. W, it'll be worth it.

4) He is an Uberhot Undercover Scholar. Not under covers (I just knew your mind would go there!) - undercover. Though he'd already found gifreakinormous success at Apple, still he chose to complete his college degree and enrolled at UC Berkeley under the name "Rocky Raccoon Clark" (after his Husky dog and his then-wife's maiden name) to get his learning on. Clearly he didn't want the masses mobbing him for who he was - hence the pseudonym, but you can bet the mobbings still took place on the merits of his sex appeal! What a sly one you are, Stevie!

5) He is a G-g-g-Gorgeous Giver, not a taker. And how! Wozalicious doesn't just make hella bank, he donates hella bank, too. More importantly, he gives his precious time to those in need. Read his own angelic musings: " I thought, you know what? Giving away money when you have an excess of it isn't really where your head should be if your heart's there. You have to show it by giving your time, so that led me into teaching young fifth graders, something I'd decided I was going to do back in sixth grade, teaching young fifth graders and then older students and then finally teachers. I wound up teaching seven days a week for about seven or eight years." Oh, Stevie: I have a thing or two to learn - perhaps you have could make time to tutor a girl in need?

I am telling you, we have not even begun to peel back the luscious layers that belong to our Steverino. But, this Cliffs Notes version will have to suffice. Surely we have a frontrunner for Sexy Programmer of The Year competition. Thank you, creators of this fine specimen. We here at this blog is eggsalady believe in Steve. Always.

need even more love? try here:, or here:


John said...

All I gotta say is "about damn time!"

I can only think that you waited this long to make sure we were warmed up in a way that we could properly receive the Woz hottness.

I hope it was that and not that you were toying with us.

Freddy said...

Yes, he definitely deserves the honor! What a multi-talented guy! Kathy is one lucky lady (and he one lucky guy - she's an awesome person, I met her once).

VE said...

I wished I'd invented technical. I could have a cool beard too then.

DB said...

lol. Good job Steve.

Hey check out Steve's acting skills in this comedy skit.