Monday, April 21, 2008

Making trillions the old fashioned way.

There are some really dope benefits of not being a member of the old establishmentarian workforce - namely, being available on a full-time basis for the Judge Judy power hour. But, there's one pretty essential thing that I miss about the old 9 to 5. Two words: spending cheese. My mom always taught me that it was rude to talk about money. If I had any, I guess that quaint little rule could apply. Since I don't, I think I can carry on with this post. In my head, I now picture you clasping your bosom, tossing your head back and inquisitively mentally-menstruating something such as this: "Come again? You mean this blog is eggsalady is not raking in the doughskies to bankroll not only your daughter's future college and/or meth habit fund, but also the funds for any subsequent daughters that she begets in the future?" Child, please. But, don't get any stress marks worrying about the Donzer family, because we have a new business venture in the works, and we are going to make trillions. Trillions, I say!

Let me provide a little background for you. Just today, I was taking in a baseball game when I spotted a man freaking commanding what could only be described as a pretty damn respectable mullet. All of a sudden, I was bludgeoned by this overwhelming wave of sentimentality, for I understand that mullet-spotting is so played out. It's no longer even ironic to turn to your cuz and go, "Check out that sweet mullet over there," because your buddy would yawn, scratch his ass, take a bite of his corndog, and then finally turn his eyeballs to whereever your were pointing, because, you know, mullet spotting is so 2001. I think that's mullshit. I just don't think the mullet market has been tapped the way that God intended. And that blows. My husband concurs. That is why we are starting a new adult entertainment company called Mullatio Enterprises. I don't portend to know your personal preference, but who amongst us has not fantasized about being on the giving or receiving end of some hot mullatio action? And we're heading into this full speed ahead; indeed, our business plan is already humming along. I'll give you the blow by blow: We're thinking we keep it small in the beginning - maybe some mags, a calendar or two, a few dozen videos. My husband is turning in his two weeks at work today so we can work full time on our new moneymaker. As for me, I'm stepping out into the public for phase one of the full-on Mullatio Drafting Blitzkrieg. I've got the new business cards printed to hand out at various locales tomorrow, including (but not limited to) Krystal, Hardware Heaven, Dan's Fan City, Buy Lo, the Howard Johnson's parking lot, and the Golden Griddle. Here's my heavy hit:

If you think that you would be a match for our intiative (as a spokesmodel or a shareholder), or if you know anyone who may be interested, please let me know. And, spread the word about Mullatio - after all, the oral tradition is still the most effective means of communication. I don't think it's too bold to assert: Mullatio is the wave of the future. Come on - head to where the action is!

it may still be busted, but let's see how many clicks it takes us to see humor-blogs up and running, again!

14 comments:

cory said...

I think I've come up with the title for our first film...

Business in the front, Party in the Back, Dong in your mouth

Meg said...

Great idea! I think you need to publicize it at Tractor Pull contests. What? You don't have them in your area. We hold the world championship.

Bee said...

After I grabbed my bosom (and what a nice bosom it is!) and got over my initial shock, I too would like to participate in you Mullatio project.
I have a picture of this one chick, who will remain nameless, she’s cute, smart and got peer pressured into a mullet back in the 80s.
She has since rebelled and is now sporting black hair with red streaks- uh... that might be giving too much info away.

Bee said...

P.S.
When I read your title... I assumed 'the old fashioned way' was on your back/knees.
My mistake!

Alice said...

Mullet with the white dog is creeping me out - "It rubs the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again."

ELASTICWAISTBANDLADY said...

I hope you pronounce Mullation as MOO-LAH-chio because MOOLAH is what you'll be raking in, baby!

Hot Mullet-On-Mullet Action....

I'm off humor-blogs but I'll still be clicking for you because you're genuinely funny.:)

what's a donzer said...

Wow. It's subtle, Cory. I hope people don't confuse it with an educational flick.

The WORLD championship, Meg? I'm on my way.


Bee, you're now on the payroll. And, I'm sending you a stack of recruiting cards Priority Mail for other candidates such as, uh, "this one chick." :)
And, you know the old adage about never assuming.

You say tomato, Elastic, I say new above ground pool outside with all this cash that'll be raining down. By the way, thank you for saying that. And, nothing will deter me from visiting The Smiling Infidel, humor-blogs or no humor-blogs.

what's a donzer said...

And, crap. How did I not respond to Alice. That is the nicest Buffalo Bill reference I have seen pulled in all my days. I soooooo agree!

dub-b said...

I'm pretty sure this guy isn't doing anything better. You could probaly convince him to star in your first feature.
This is purely conjecture on my part though, he might be a very successful CEO somewhere now and not have time for your brand of Tom Foolery. Right...

Anonymous said...

You better go ahead and buy mullatio.com before someone steals it from you.

damon said...

Bring back the mullet!

Bring back that Achey Breaky Heart guy!

I got parachute pants, and I ain't afraid to use 'em!

clickin for all the appreciative Joe Dirts of the world!

julius bloop said...

my uncle gave me mullatio behind an old rotten barn during a family vacation in new hampshire when i was 8.

and now i give mullatio to orphans!!!

...the circle of life....

Freddy said...

hahaha..I think you are going to be rich for sure....also..I believe you have coined a new urban word: mullshit!

what's a donzer said...

Oh, Wow, Dub-B. I just had to take a moment to regroup. That guy is AMAZING! He could be the Ron Jeremy of the Mullatio World!

Good call, Anonymous. I don't want to let this opportunity blow by.

Damon, your enthusiasm is exactly what we are looking for on the Mullatio team. Perhaps you are looking for some parttime work?

Oh, Julius. When I read your comment, I, too, thought of Simba and Mufasa and their own connection to you. From the sounds of it, you'd be perfect for my street team.

Freddy, it is your support that keeps my enterprises afloat. When we are invited to attend the Adult Entertainment Awards, you're my guest.