Sexy Programmer Thursday: Technoeuphoria Version 6.0

Buenos Hotness, señoras y caballeros. Welcome, one and all, to the spiciest, steamiest, most salacious day of the week in which all of your naughtiest natural language processing desires will be fulfilled. That's right, aficionados of the arousing: it's Sexy Programmer Thursday! Words cannot express just how godlike this week's codeus superbeus truly is. Today's recipient is worthy of an entire month - no! - an entire year devoted to his special brand of sexy. Alas, we only have a week to share, but it will be one wonderfine week. So enough with the buildup; come get a taste of this sweet pastry of the program.

Our stud of the week is only pretty much responsible for the entire computer revolution in the free world. If I had been in Eden, I would have taken a bite of this Apple, too - the (co)founder of Apple, that is, none other than Slammin' Steve Wozniak. That other Apple cofounder may be more famous (to the amateurish masses, of course), but in the tournament of hotness, competitor Steve Jobs - you just got jobbed! The only golden delicious Apple people want to have in their pie is of the Wozniak variety. Mmm. Now that's tastetastic.

Our warrior Wozniak is the Renaissance man defined - there are simply too many fascinating details about our stud to even come close to scratching the surface of his sexy. But, here are just a few BREATHTAKING BITES about our mack of the Mac.

1) He rides a Segway the Sexyway. Our boy Steve is a studly member of Segway Polo (yeah - that's like horse polo or water polo, but awesome) team the Silicon Valley Aftershocks. He's even the namesake of the hottest titlematch out there - the Woz Challenge Cup. This year's championship will take place in that sizzlin' hotbed, Indianapolis, on August 7 - 9. Count me in. You know what? I'll be feeling Steve's aftershocks for a long time to come.


2) He is an On-fire Inventor Extraordinaire. Along with practically patenting smokin' hot, at the ripe young age of eleven, Wozniak created his own amateur radio station, surely controlling the airwaves of love. In sixth grade he dominated his science fair competitors with his prize winning tic-tac-toe playing machine. Oh! X can get this square! He also built a calculator at 13 and, oh yeah, his first computer that same year. He was in the hottest techno inventor club around, the Homebrew Computer Club, where he brought in the hotness, and, right, the Apple I and Apple II.

3) He is a Lascivious Libertine of Love. There is simply not enough of His Wozness to be contained to just one lady. Thrice married, Steve is currently dating the luckiest chica on the freakin planet, comedienne Kathy Griffin. Beacon of truth Us Magazine is even reporting that Ms. Thing is sporting an engagement ring from Wozzie. Whatevs. If I have to wait around to be eighth Mrs. W, it'll be worth it.

4) He is an Uberhot Undercover Scholar. Not under covers (I just knew your mind would go there!) - undercover. Though he'd already found gifreakinormous success at Apple, still he chose to complete his college degree and enrolled at UC Berkeley under the name "Rocky Raccoon Clark" (after his Husky dog and his then-wife's maiden name) to get his learning on. Clearly he didn't want the masses mobbing him for who he was - hence the pseudonym, but you can bet the mobbings still took place on the merits of his sex appeal! What a sly one you are, Stevie!

5) He is a G-g-g-Gorgeous Giver, not a taker. And how! Wozalicious doesn't just make hella bank, he donates hella bank, too. More importantly, he gives his precious time to those in need. Read his own angelic musings: " I thought, you know what? Giving away money when you have an excess of it isn't really where your head should be if your heart's there. You have to show it by giving your time, so that led me into teaching young fifth graders, something I'd decided I was going to do back in sixth grade, teaching young fifth graders and then older students and then finally teachers. I wound up teaching seven days a week for about seven or eight years." Oh, Stevie: I have a thing or two to learn - perhaps you have could make time to tutor a girl in need?

I am telling you, we have not even begun to peel back the luscious layers that belong to our Steverino. But, this Cliffs Notes version will have to suffice. Surely we have a frontrunner for Sexy Programmer of The Year competition. Thank you, creators of this fine specimen. We here at this blog is eggsalady believe in Steve. Always.

need even more love? try here: humor-blogs.com, or here: humor.alltop.com

Sexy Programmer Thursday: Passion Explosion Version 5.0

It is on, my friends. It is sooo on. I am bursting at the seams to bring you this week's technology aphrodisiac; that's right, it is that sublime time of the week once again when we are slapped upside the head with a heapin helpin' of libidinous protocol. Grab a chair and hold what you got, because you are about to meet one of the most luscious kernels of love to ever hit Sexy Programmer Thursday.

Our beefcake of the week is a feast for the eyes hailing from the other side of the pond. Meet the hottest British Studasaurus to ever hit the free software operating system arena: Well, hello there, Alan Cox. You say free software, I call it free love; what's the difference? Our hunka hunka codin' love is one of the most important (I think the most important, but nobody asked for my opinioneering) developers and maintainers of the Linux kernel and dominators of Red Hat, Inc. Oh, Alan. You tease us so.

Our master seductionist is working his magic, indeed! Alright, alright: I'll cut to the chase and get to the goods. Here are a few TANTALIZING TIDBITS about our red hot red hat, Big (Alan) Cox:

1. Though the crazy wack mistress, the internet, keeps forcing me to compare Our Amazing Alan to another Linux engineer, Linus Torvalds, I say that Cox Rocks, and he compares to NO ONE! Look how Alan schools Linus, our hot programmer's adversary: "Sometimes I don't agree with his big picture, but since the debates are always technical issues it can always be solved by actual code." We don't doubt, at all, Alan, that you are the coder rocking the BIGGER picture! Snarl! And, on that note, I am sure I am not alone in thinking that Coxix would be a far bosser name than Linux, am I right, my peeps?

2. Our boy is looking out for you, Free World! He's a sensual supporter of programming freedom. We, too, fancy keeping people's paws OFF software patents and user interface copyrights, Coxy, but we can't help but daydream about our needy paws grazing you!

3. While we imagine being served up a heaping helping of Alan A'la mode, he is busy perfecting his mad chef skillz. Mmmmm! Flambe' the hotness, why don't you, Al? In particular, cuisinalicious Cox hollaz that he's "been having fun trying to figure Chinese, Mexican and Indian cookery." What I wouldn't give to have AC steaming up my kitchen sporting his apron and chef hat. Aaaaaah. Can somebody flip on the fan? It's getting hot in here.

4. When he's not sexying up the kitchen, he's making plenty of stems rise outdoors, as he's heating up the garden. Alan's "been trying to stop things growing and pruning them." Did you just say "prune", Alan? I've got a thing or two that needs some pruning, you hottie. Check this: "at the moment [his plants] are growing quite well enough without assistance." Oh yeah? Well you can plant your seed around here anytime, Alan. ANY time!

5. Finally, succinct, spicy Alan spews profound messages for the masses, and readers, this particular thought wad is not blown on Yours Truly. On January 3, 2008 at 2:41 a.m., our manmeat opined, "Repeatedly posting crud does not make it right." Oh, Alan, are you trying to send me a message, because I get it - loud and clear! I'll change for you, Alan! I will!

I'm thirsty: I'll take a Gallon of Alan and call it a day! My friend, you are one tittilating addition to Sexy Programmer Thursday! Oh, Cox the Fox: how will any other programmers compare to your brand of sexy?

Need a laugh? How about hitting up here: humor-blogs.com or here: humor.alltop.com?

Oh, one more thing: It just so happens that today, on this most appropriate day of hotness, my supersexy programmer husband turns 30. So, Happy Birthday, Old Man! You rock this browser's cache like nobody's business!

Sexy Programmer Thursday: Lustapalooza Version 4.0

Welcome, welcome, welcome back, spectators of the sexy! It's time, once again, to feed your techno-desires with a meaty dose of the mega hot International Programming Language of Love. That's right. Let's activate our desire codes and examine some hawwwt interface, for it's time again for Sexy Programmer Thursday!

This week's heartbreaker is a real snake, indeed. You should get a look at this playa's Python! That's his programming brainchild, you rascals! Our love twinkie is none other than the inventor of one of the most extraordinary, spine-tingling programming languages ever coded; that's right, ladies and gentleman - today we are profiling Python stud, Guido van Rossum. Our Dutch treat created the seductive, "general-purpose, high-level programming language" in which the "design philosophy emphasizes programmer productivity and code readability." Hisssssssssssss! Furthermore, this fine specimen is reviled in the techno community - and we can see why! Just check out this comment from a Guidophile named Kiran Jonnalagadda, left on a blog featuring a delicious interview with van Rossum. At 12:45 pm on June 12, 2004, Kiran wrote: "What? You met Guido and all you did was take a picture? If I was meeting Guido, I'd fall at his feet and offer my firstborn. Heck, even that wouldn't be good enough." Amen, Kiran. Amen.

Anyway, I have clearly teased you enough. It's time to get a little action here. My friends, I humbly present to you the FINGER LICKIN' GOODS on smart, sexy (SMEXY!) Guido.

1) Goodtime Guido is the Casanova of Comedy, but, believe me, he's no laughing matter. Need proof our stud has a hot sense of humor? Well, he named Python after that raucous romp Monty Python's Flying Circus. For his contributions as the father of the slinkiest, slyest language out there, Guido is known as Python's "Benevolent Dictator for Life." Commence salute now! I bow down to you, Guid!

2) Our studly superhero is also Compassionate Eye Candy. van Rossum has your back, fellow programmers. He designed Python with ease for the programmer in mind. He obviously concerns himself with helping his colleagues, and he doesn't focus on the bottom line. Well, the ease of Python just gives us more time to concentrate on his bottom line! Yowza! Look what he said about his baby Python: "Because it is a scripting language, learning Python is a snap. Unlike C or C++, written to make life easier for the computer, Python was designed to be easy on the programmer." Now there's one programmer I'll have no problem being easy on! Mmmm!



3) Va-va-van Rossum epitomizes New Age Sex Appeal, fo sho! For fun, Guido enjoys getting his dirty dancing on, a' la contact improvisation, a dance technique that combines modern dance, martial arts, and yoga. It emphasizes "movement improvisation and exploration." Hey, GVR: come see me and I'll show you some improvisation and exploration. You bet your sweet rossum I will!



4) Our boy is a master impersonator. Try to contain yourself as you listen to the sweet sounds of Guido van Rossum as that hot, sexy woodpecker, Woody.




Tap tap tap...who wouldn't tap that?

5) Finally, on his amazing blog (welcome to the blogroll of my heart, Guid the Steed!), our h-h-h-hott Dutchboy is a bibliophile and a philosopohile alike. The self-proclaimed Harry Potter superfan brainiacked the ingenious "Harry Potter Theory of Programming Language Design." How's that? Well, friends, Super Guido brilliantly analogizes the intricate, sexy process of programming design to J.K. Rowling's elaborate creation of the Harry Potter series. Oh, G: you can bring yourself down to our level ANYtime!

So, for those reasons (and so many more), we wholeheartedly proclaim van Rossum the awesome one superfly Sexy Programmer. Oh, Guido: you sly, sly fox you!

wanna see even more hotness? go here: humor-blogs.com.

Sexy Programmer Thursday: Hornacious Version 3.0

Oh, hello there. I see that you have returned for the most s-s-s-sizzlin day of the week - that sanctified time when we get a taste of some sweet dollops of redhot lust; that's right - it's Sexy Programmer Thursday! Welcome - or, should I say Wilkommen - to one and all. Grab a tall glass of 2% and make yourself comfortable, because I have a Danish treat cooked to order just for you.

There may be something rotten in the state of Denmark, but there's something ohso right with our bangin Dane Bjarne Stroustrup. Oh, you're all tingly just reading his name? Well, you should be: he is a veritable technology demigod. How's that? Well, our boy Bjarne only invented what is probably the most sophisticated, exhilarating, important programming language to ever hit planet Earth. You know what I'm talking about: that's right - C++. I'm sure I don't need to tell you, but without C++: Southwest Airlines wouldn't even get one flight off the ground; Mozilla would be Nozilla; a little thing called Microsoft would be Micro perma-flaccid; you wouldn't be exploring a damn thing in Internet Explorer; Google this - oh, wait - you couldn't if it weren't for C++; there'd be no Photoshop for your brother Joey to add boobs to pictures of the entire Fall Out Boy gang; and the list goes on and on. Thank you - no - tak for lån, Bjarne. Tak for lån.

Wipe your chin. Let's cut out the small talk and turn up the heat. Here are a few MOUTHWATERING MORSELS about Sexy Strou:

1) I know - the language of pure-unadulterated-grownup-lovin is often hard to say aloud. So is our lust machine's dreamalicious name. Wikipedia tries to help us by suggesting these phonetics: "B-yar-ne Strov-stroop," but I'd rather hear the voice of the angel himself speak his erotic name o'heaven. Click here: it'll lead you to a wav file, which will lead you straight to heaven.

2) Mmmmmm. Our delicious hunk of man meat really craves his fish. Originally from Denmark, the College of Engineering Chair / Computer Science Professor at Texas A&M University loves eating "several kinds of herring, mov[ing] on to [other] fish ... and usually end[ing] with shellfish...". Oh, you're dirty, Bjarne! Stop; you're making us blush!

3) Our C++ stud gets an A++ in humility. We all know that C++ is a hottie and C# is a nottie, but will Big Bjarne get all up in C#'s grill and talk smack on that hot mess? No, sir. He had a chance to own C#with a couple quick yo momma jokes, but, instead, look how he masterfully spit this battle: "I have no comments on C# as a language. It will take a lot to persuade me that the world needs yet another proprietary language (YAPL). It will be especially hard to persuade me that it needs a language that is closely integrated with a specific proprietary operating system." Hey, C#: You just got played!

4) While we're serving up a hot cuppa 'Strup, you'll be pleased to learn that our Danish delight is no show-off. Could he display the hottest, most off the chizzy website ever created on the whole wide web? Yeah, he could. Did he? No. He kept it real. His website, skillfully titled "Welcome to Bjarne Stroustrup's homepage!" is old school, sixth grade level shiz. Why? He doesn't need some high graphics, in your face piece. This is Bjarne Frickin Stroustrup we're talking about. Not enough for you? Then read the words of the master: "I'm a 'contents provider,' not a website designer. I can use my time to improve the contents or the looks, but not both." So suck it if you don't like it. Oh. You'd like that, wouldn't you?

5) Finally, in a 2003 interview, Beautiful Bjarne revealed that as a kid in Arhus, Denmark, he was a Boy Scout who delivered newspapers and milk in order to make some money. I don't know how to say this delicately, but get a look at that picture of our Superstud on the left there. He's appears to be packing quite a load, eh? You can bet Bjarne's package delivering days did not end in his youth. Wow, Bjarne. Always Prepared, indeed!

I have three words for you, Denmark: God Bless You. If all your exports are like this, we'll order a case. Bjarne: Salut! You are one smokin' Sexy Programmer!

for more hotness, click here: http://humor-blogs.com/

A spoonful of knowledge.

Well, probably a little more inanity than knowledge, but, that's neither here nor there. Apparently 2008 is the year of the footnote, and rumor has it there might be a thing or twelve that I say that causes a little confusification for my BFF, the reader. I guess thanks to Patrillo / McCain 2008 and the Straight Talk Express, mystery is a thing of the past.

So, pals, at the behest of the masses (ahem), here are some Occasionally Asked Questions and their oh-so enlightening solutions.

The name of this fair blog: Is it "this blog is eggsalady" or "this blog is eggs a lady"? Well, reader, I'd say that's open to interpretation. Originally, this blog was intended to epitomize all that eggsalady stands for. I guess I was under the impression that everyone had seen the breathtaking cinematic masterpiece that was robbed of the 1988 Academy Award, Big Top Pee Wee (whatever, Rain Man). Not to give the plot of the powerful film away or anything, but Pee Wee's suitor is trying to impress our stud by making him a picnic lunch, including (but not limited to) an eggsalad sandwich. How's it taste, PW? "Mmm. Eggsalady." To me, eggsalady is, I guess, just pretty sweet. You know what else, though, I realize is pretty frickin sweet? Egging a lady. In my head, that seems like it would be hilarious. So, you know, your choice.


Your name seems a little dumb. What is What's a Donzer supposed to mean? Sigh. This one is, I guess, a little weird to hold on to twenty three years or so later, but Ramona Quimby was always kind of my hero growing up. If you don't know who Ramona is, then you have some serious literature reading to do. Anyhoozle, here comes the pepperjack: I always thought the following story was really endearing (awwwww). You see, in my favorite Ramona book, Ramona the Pest, five year old Ramona gets a little mixed up. I'll let the omniscient answerdeity Wikipedia explain this one to you, as it does a pretty good short and sweet job, and I am not feeling like using the mindpower to paraprase at the moment. Here she is: "[Ramona]decides to impress everyone with what knowledge she [has] and tells her older sister Beezus to get a "dawn-zer" to provide "a lee light" to help Beezus read. This confuses sister and, eventually mom and dad, until they all realize that Ramona has misunderstood the opening lyric to the Star-Spangled Banner: 'Oh say, can you see, by the dawn's early light.' Pretty great, huh?



Did you really name your poor kid Cornflake? Well, that does seem like something I would do, but, no; I didn't name her Cornflake. It's Suri Apple. She kind of issued forth from my womb looking a little like a flake o' corn, and when it's time to awaken, "Wakey wakey, Cornflakey" she doth hear. Hence, Cornflake.



Did you really name your poor dog Timmy? Yes.





Why aren't there pictures of you on this blog? How do I know you aren't a thirty nine year old world-weary convict named Lonnie who is suffering from a case of the doldrums? Hmmm. You're weird, reader. I dunno. It feels a little Jerky Jerksmith being all la la la look at me. Besides, the guys in cell block four would be even more feelsies than normal if I started posting my Glamour Shots all over the information superhighway.


Who and what are the "BSGs"? Good question. Here's a clicky to bring you back to their introduction. If you're lazy and don't feel in the mood to get your click on, in short, the BSGs are part of my core fanbase. They are first-rate computer gurus; they are Battlestar Galactica Gangstas, they are BSGs. They just so happen to be my muses for Sexy Programmer Thursdays, which can be found here and here , if all of a sudden you are ready to let clicking back in your good graces again.


Speaking of Sexy Programmer Thursdays, from where are the SPT candidates plucked? That's easy. Heaven.




How you're not chewing and all: break it down for me. This subject is still a little embryo-ish not to sting. So, I'll explain in haiku, entitled A Dentist Sliced my Lingual Nerve and Diced My Heart.


A Dentist Sliced my Lingual Nerve and Diced My Heart
Goodbye, wisdom teeth
Mygod you just shivved two nerves
Thanks a lot, asshole




What does "there's an ass over my shoulder" mean? It's basic perfection. It's Eden in your backyard. It's a jaunt on a tugboat and a disembarkment at the promiseland. Succinctly, it's Wolf Blitzer. Aaaaahhh.

Well, I'm sure there's more, but I am distracted by Kim Kardashian's heinie at the moment and I can't seem to concentrate on this task at hand. If there's anything else I can clear up, let me know. I'll open up my brainfile of Afterschool Specials and see if I can produce an answer for it. Because, to me, you're worth it. Kisses!

Sexy Programmer Thursday: Hotness Version 2.0

Happy Sexy Programmer Thursday, playas! You and I both know what time it is: it's time for us all to get a little bit of our naughty on. Oh, I'm sorry - did I interrupt you watching that gut-busting video of the monkey blowing a big Hubba Bubba bubble out of his butt for the ninth time? Well, turn your attention this way, because it's now time for our weekly journey of euphoria. Here's a little paradoxical algorithm for you to ponder: while today's balla is currently providing us with our own voyeuristic fantasia on this very page, he himself is responsible for providing millions - nay - trillions of peeping toms the ability to get their rocks off anytime they desire (incuding you and your bubble butt chimp, sickie). You see, our boy Jawed Karim is the man who first thought of internet phenomenon You Tube - and he is one of You Tube's three cofounders.

There are so many profound layers to our stud o'the week's uberdeveloper framework. Sidle up and settle in: we're about to get schooled, Karim the Dream style.

So let's get down to the nitty-gritty, shall we? Here's the DIRTY DISH on our Casanova. Purrrr.

1) Our beautiful Bengali was born in Germany, so gentle Jawed is an international hottie, and English is this stud's third language! Ooooh, Herr Karim: you can whisper your coded sweet nothings into my framework anytime, Stud. Das ist gut. Das ist very, very gut.

2) Hey, Jawed? Are your calves tired? Because you've been racing around my mind alll night long. You know where else Jawed has been racing? Uh, everywhere! Our virile hunka engineering love often races 100 miles on his bike working out those bangin genius endorphines. You go, Speed Racer!

3) He's worldly, he's robust, but our Renaissance man is also a real romantic. Before ideating the You Tube juggernaut, J-Dawg created an online video site called "Tune In Hook Up" that apparently "drew little interest." Want my theory? All the ladies tuned in to hook up with our Jaws. Sorry, ladies: there's only so much of our boy to go around!

4) Our Hunktown native can drop some philosophizing on that piece. Listen to these metaphysical words from our silver-tongued fox: “Every evening when I leave school or work, I step out and look up at the sky and I see the stars. Science has helped us a great deal, but fundamentally, we know nothing really, about the bigger questions in life.” Those honey coated musings are like lyrics rivalling the best Extreme song, aren't they?

5) Finally, our adorable programmer is a real pioneer. Need proof? Jawed starred in the very first You Tube ever - 18 seconds of bliss simply titled "Me at the zoo." Enjoy!

Thank you, Jawed. You are more than words. You wear the Sexy Programmer sash well.

Sexy Programmer Thursday: Inaugural Edition

I know, I know: I just inundated you with hotttness only yesterday! Well, my friends, we are about to raise your temperatures to a wholenuthalevel. In honor of my superfox husband and the BSGs* with whom he works, I'm gonna treat you ladies in the hizzy (and, let's be real - you fellas, too) to a brand new feature on this blog is eggsalady:

Sexy Programmer Thursday!

This land is rife with computer programming foxes, and I am going to bring them to you weekly - one delectable techie at a time. So dim those lights, toss the cork off a bottle of Ballatore, and make yourself comfortable. Here come the studs.

We're commencing the maiden hunk voyage with a true programming hero. I believe you've heard of a little thing called Microsoft Word, haven't you? Well, this guy created it. Without further adieu, I give you Richard "Quiet Lion" Brodie. ROAR!

Here are some FUN FACTS about our Quiet Lion:

1) He's single, ladies, and presumably ready to mingle.

2) He's a jokester. Want some evidence? This computer whiz has a home page entitled "Welcome to Richard Brodie's Home Page" that is definitively, absolutely the most bushleague website (after this blog is eggsalady) that I have seen in all my days.

3) He's now a professional poker player, and a real ROYAL FLUSH, if you ask me!

4) He's exersexy! Richard loves to get his workout on ridin his recumbent bike.

5) He's soooooooo deep! He says he lives in "Level 3", which he explains as "not just living consciously, but consciously choosing the memes I allow to program me." Richard, is there room on Level 3 for two? What's a meme you ask? Only "the basic building blocks of our minds and culture," according to Smarty McSmartington. Wow. Quiet Lion: Call me!

So, here's to you Richard Brodie, our first ever Sexy Programmer of Sexy Programmer Thursday! You'll be a hard act to follow!

*BSGs = Battlestar Gallactica Gs, as in gangstas. These dudes are stone cold, believe me!