Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Bloody hell, these ads are brilliant.

Aaah, the Rites of Spring. Around this time each year, I blend myself a Cuervo-heavy pitcher of frozen margaritas, head out to the back porch, and open up the well-worn old scrapbook of my favorite tampon advertisements of all time. This year, I decided to be a little selfless. Have I told you lately that I love you? Well, I do, so I am going to share some of the absolute best feminine hygiene ads with you, complete with the dialogue courtesy of the Tampon Family Players that would normally remain only in my head. I do it because I care.
There are so many things I love about this one. I'm gonna let Lamar and Tad explain.

Lamar: Holy shit, Leilani. Your crotch smells amazing. What did you do - put deoderant directly on your tampon? Doesn't her crotch smell amazing, Tad? Seriously, man. It's fabulous. Take a whiff.
Tad: Right you are, Lamar. Her genitals smell so odor free that I nearly do not even notice her grabbing a heaping handful of Mona's heaving bosom right here in the middle of our Ramada Inn lounge.
Lamar: You are so gonna hit that, Tad.
Tad: 10-4.

Sally: Look at the size of Byron's stick. There's nothing I love more than my man donning his jodhpurs and a condom cap on a snowy winter's day. That's why I use Tampax Satin - It is what's up front that counts, because it totally frees up my backdoor for Byron.

Nan: You know, Margie, back up at the campfire, when you recommended I insert a tampon into my privates rather than use up our supply of Oscar Meyer weiners, I thought you were positively bananas! But, they really are a lot more absorbent than the old tube steak.
Margie: I know, Nan. It "makes such a difference."
Need a shower? Don't forget the loofah. Click here (repeatedly) to getcha one:


Bee said...

Ha ha ha! When I read this for some reason my first thoguht was 'Pork, it's what's for dinner!'
I don't know why!

I think Mona might arm wrestle Tad to see who gets to hit that!

Theresa said...

Eeew gross! But funny. Where do you find this stuff? And more importantly, who comes up with these ads in the first place? Only a guy could come up with such lame stuff. :)

what's a donzer said...

Bee - Mmm. Pork. Sicko. ;) I agree about Mona; she looks like a vixen!

Theresa - I don't know. Sometimes a girl just needs to keep a scrapbook of feminine hygiene ads. My favorite one ever was the one where the girl was like, "Will I still be a virgin?" Definitely man produced. Ridiculous.

cory said...

Its such a joy to come here... your stuff is always so fresh!

damon said...

I'm starting to get that no so fresh feeling. If only I had some international flavored coffee. And some one to discuss it with. Oh yeah, and if I wasn't a MAN!

Then, ..this would make sense.

what's a donzer said...

Thanks for taking one for the man team, Cory and Damon, and participating in the tampon play. I know how conflicting it must have been.

Freddy said...

Lovin the Tampon Family Players...
They don't make ads like these anymore...or do they?
I think your next advertising exploration should be on condoms!

what's a donzer said...

I'm all over it, Freddy...