Wednesday, April 9, 2008

Sexy Programmer Thursday: Arousalicious Version 7.0

Greetings, young and old, to the domain dedicated to devotees of the delicious! Can you believe it's already time once again for the most mischievous day of the week? That's right, friends. We have authentication for that awe-inspiring, outstandingly randarific day - keyword: come-hither. Amen, my dears. It's Sexy Programmer Thursday! Wait 'til you get ahold of this week's specimen of gorgeosity - he deserves a crown to match his giant scepter for the studly role he plays in the Royal Family of programmers.

This week's enumerated piece of enticement is the daddy of a programming language responsible for bringing life to our friend, the Internet. That's right, mi familia, I'm talking about Java, and I'm, of course, referring to her proud papa - noneother than its hot hot hot creator James Gosling. Glorious Gosling brought us a language that can be found, I don't know, everywhere - from smartcards to wireless connections to cell phones. Our lascivious lovah is a gift from our naughty neighbor to the north, sweet Canada, and he currently shines down as a sungod from the rays of Sun Microsystems. Beam me up, Hottie!

Our handsome hunkloaf obviously delivers the goods. I'll stop tickling you and start putting out. Here you are - just for you: some DROOLWORTHY DROPS about our steaming cup of javalove, many loins he enflames James Gosling!

1) He is a mesmerizing master of the tinker. Our boy J-Money has always loved getting his hands on tantalizing toys. In his native Canadaland, he ripped apart television sets and dumpster dove for parts to build games. Oh, James: I'll play your games anytime! When he was fourteen, he saw his first computer, and soon after he broke into the University of Calgary to play with their machines. Hey, James: I told you: you need something to play with, I've got you covered! Anyway, just one year later he was writing software for the university's physics department. Okay, Brainy MacBrainerton - here's a challenge - why don't you come teach us a thing or two?

2) He has been known to get a little loud in the bedroom. Oh, you filthy readers! It's because of his obstructive sleep apnea, you tarts! He made sweet snoring lullabies - and, believe me, I would not have been complaining. But, he had corrective surgery for the disorder that only he can make sexy, and he was forced to shave his beard for the first time in decades! FYI, J-Gos: you ever need any assistance shaving any of your parts, give me a call. I'm here for you, love.

3) He's on my babealicious blogroll of love. That's right, bffs, the lord of the script has a beautiful blog, and he sings his heavenly musings for us, his fans, right here: James Gosling: On the Java Road. Aptly named - no - heavenly named, our hero succinctly but sweetly shares his thoughts on his oh so luscious goings on. My friends, there are pictures. Of him. It's amazing. Why are you still reading this? Why are you not commenting on JG:OtJR right freaking now?

4) He's the sexy sultan of the sale. In January 1995, rather than release Java the Lovehut through, he instead played pleasureful pirate, releasing the language on Why? Why don't you let our caliente' coder explain. He reveals: "A major internal selling job had to be done. In fact, there was an act of piracy involved, where we actually put stuff out on the Web in a way that didn't follow any of the corporate product-release guidelines. I don't know if it was contrarian so much as an act of desperation." Well, whatever you're selling, Gos the Boss, I'm buying! That's one pirate's booty I'd like to get my hands on!

5) He's Brit Brit crazy, and we like it! Here's Jamie's theory, "You've got to learn to trust crazy people. It's the people on the edge that have the most interesting insightful comments." I'm with you, my friend, and I'll drink whatever Kool Aid you're serving up. Speaking of serving up, did you know Gossie has never ordered any meal from a restaurant more than once? He calls it "lack of innovation." I call it lack of the not hot! Didja catch that double negative? That's right - he's the Original Innovator of the Hottitude! I'm with you my friend, I'm with you!

So, for an infinite list of enchanting reasons, Jumpin' James Gosling is this week's amaaazing Sexy Programmer. James, you, my friend, have done it for us.

need another smile to hit your lips? check this:


Bee said...

He is sooo yum! You had me at sleep apnea!

cory said...

Now that's a steaming hot cup of java that'll start your day of right!

I really need to stop reading this at work. All this hotness makes it really difficult to concentrate for the rest of the day.

elasticwaistbandlady said...

He looks like the kind of guy that would wear a shirt that says:

"I'm not bald. It's a solar panel for my sex machine."

He probably has some man-thong panties to match.

elasticwaistbandlady said...

Alright then, time to get down to business.

Bee and I grew very close the day we gave up being Blood Sisters and instead became Humor-Blog Clicky Buddies.

Yes, we tore up that contract that we so painstakingly pricked our fingers with safety pins to sign and we now just click on each other's banners.

Would you like to be a humor-blog clicky buddy with us? Damon already signed on for the hot clicking action that I have to offer. I know that you already outrank all 3 of us, but one little click a day can still help.

You know it drives you crazy to have that lame jokes blog beating you when you bust your azz to produce original content every day, right? Now can be just the edge you need to squash that blog and its super lame jokes that you've been forwarded from your friends since you got your first e-mail account in 1996.


Freddy said...

I'm so hot after than my motherboard is sparking...I smell smoke...

what's a donzer said...

Hi, Bee and EWBL: I'm glad you're down with the programming porn. I'll gladly click you both - anytime, anywhere. Damon, too, for that matter. I'm of couse paying you a visit later this afternoon, anyway, natch! Down with lame jokes! Fight the beast!

Freddy - If you are reading this, you must be using a borrowed computer, yes? Just imagining James Gosling all up on my motherboard was enough to get me going today. Meow!

Cory - Or perhaps all the the hotness inspires you to be the hottest programmer you can be?

damon said...

When will there be a "sexy programmer Thurs." for the guys?

Aren't there any hot sexy female programmers out there?

what's a donzer said...

Sit tight, Damon. Your dream may come true very soon.