Thursday, April 17, 2008

Sexy Programmer Thursday: Hunkarific Version 8.0

Greetings and Salivations, stalkers and gawkers. You know what's up - am I right; am I right? That's right. It is the most frizeakingly scrumptious day of the week. It is the day that we meet the finest of the fine binary operators. It is the moment that we feast our lucky eyeballs upon the the fairest of the fair superusers. It is our day, fortunate friends - it is Sexy Programmer Thursday. I am all kinds of geared up to share this week's ravishing recipient; indeed, my run time patterns are reeling in today's sweet treat. I am in absolute crush overload, and I have no doubt that your temptometer will explode, as well, as soon as you meet the object of my adoration.

Am I driving you all kinds of sideways to Crazytown on the loco bus yet? Well, lemme get down to it then. Today's feast of fabulous is the rarest of gems. He is the creator of one of the most monumentally important general-purpose programming languages ever developed. You know who I'm talking about, don't you? That's right: he's the pearl in a sea of empty clams - the inventor of Perl - Luscious Larry Wall. What has Larry done for us lately? It's probably easier to ask what he hasn't done for us lately! Wanna go buy an amazing book on Well, thank Larry for inventing the progam on which Amazon operates then. Wanna go to and buy a ticket to the Larry show? Why don't you drop Larry a line saying gracias for the ability for you to do so. Using Like to share your secrets on LiveJournal? Do yourself a favor and give Larry a mental grope - because he did all of these things for you.

Obviously our sweet slab of roast beefcake is one perfect pearl. Alright, alright: let me get down to it. Here is a comely collection of DELECTABLE DATA about our lovable Larry, the most precious of all prizes.

1) Holy Smokes! This is One Sacrosanct Stud! Lovely Larry's father, both grandfathers, and many ancestors before him were all pastors. Our holy hottie never strays from his beliefs, though surrounded by a surfeit of science. Indeed, he referred to himself as "an apostle to the hackers." His original mission was to become a missionary - instead he upholds his destiny of being a tantalizing techie, leading the computer world by his saintly example.

2) Though He Was Half Blind, His Hotness We All See! Our Perfectville, Population 1 Programmer endured a harrowing cornea transplant after losing a great deal of sight and all depth perception in his right eye. I was onthedgeofmyfreakingseat reading his harrowing cornea diary, and you will not believe the cajones Wall the Doll possesses. Oh - a doctor wants to stick needles into your eye to rip out your old, smokin' hot cornea and give you new corneal lovin? No problem, according to Our Boy Lar. In fact, the manalicious patient elected to take a local anasthetic so he would be AWAKE during the surgery. Sheesh, Captain Courageous! You're one impressive sexy soldier of steel!

3) Wonderful Wall Puts the Fire Back in Food Allergies! I'd spoon feed Larry if I could, but I'd have to be careful about my selections! Why? Because Luscious Larry is allergic to a lot of things, including seafood, tomatoes, eggs, and wheat. Larry puts the sizzle back in sniffles. He puts the tease back in the sneeze. He brings the fever to the hayfever. Oh, Larry! Allergies have never brought me to Alleluia before, but you make wheezing soooo pleasing!

4) Our Bangin Babe is an Anime Animal! Our tantalizing technogod is a superfly superfan of Japanese anime. He has over one hundred of his favorite anime titles lusciously listed on his laptop, and he learned that la-lovin language of love, Japanese, from watching anime dvds bilingually. Mmmm. He even claims, "Otaku desu" - "I'm a nerd" in Japanese - but, Larry you are the naughtiest, nicest nerd on whom my eyes have ever lain. Sigh.

5) This Heavenly Hottie is a Humble Demigod of Love! Let's face it - when you're as ridiculously ravishing as our Great Wall of FineAaaaah, it would be pretty easy to get a big head. Did our delicous codey? No way. Case in point: "I can be up here in front of the Perl community and kind of be their demigod, and I can make jokes about getting a swelled head, and I don't have to not be that kind of leader merely because I think that I have to be humble. That's not what humility is. I think God put me here for a reason." As far as I can see, our mouth-watering hotsicle was put here to be the Town Crier of Temptation. Hear ye! Hear ye! His Majesty of Marvelicious at your service!

I bet your crush on the Larry is as large as Yours Truly's. Oh, Larry. You take me to Giddy City. Thank you for your amaaaazing contributions. You are a delectably deserving Sexy Programmer, Larry Wall, and we thank you.

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dub-b said...

Wow...nice stache!
I bet he's given a few good mustache rides in his day. He can probably charge a premium with that catepillar on his lip.

cory said...

With that 'stache and hawaiian shirt, I accidently mistook him for Magnum PI on first glance!

If they ever decide to remake that show, move over Tom Selleck, there's a new private dick in town!

Freddy said...

LMFAO...Donzer you have out done yourself this week! "Mouth-watering hotsicle" put me on the floor..thanks for the laughs and the hunkarific boy toy Larry!

Jinksy said...

Should you require a sexy programmer for an upcoming Thursday, I'm available.

what's a donzer said...

I agree about the mustache, Dub-B and Cory. This gives me a great idea...the untapped programming porn market is a potential goldmine, am I right?

Freddy - I wish I could take more credit, but Larry Wall's hotness deserves all props.

Jinksy - send me your dossier. I'm always on the lookout for potential sexy.