Sexy Programmer Thursday: Maximum Yummage Version 9.0

All aboard the hot train, you beautiful people. It's time yet again to step on up for another mouth-watering installment of the Sexytech Express. It's the hyperincredible day when our systems are operating on unadulterated, hi-tech passsion. That's right; you've booked your ticket and had your passports stamped - destination: Hottopia. It's a beautiful day in this neighborhood, so make sure you take it all in on this glorious Sexy Programmer Thursday.

This week's lusty object of our affection is one beautiful attraction. Here's a babe-a-rific brain teaser for you: this stud's brand of sexy is so old-school, it's practically new-school. Make that Gnu-school. You heard me: our lovebeast of the week is noneother than the creator of the most magnanimous operating system around - GNU, the entirely free, free-lovin' software entity of passion. Say hello to your seductive centerfold, Richard Stallman. Richard (or, rms, as he prefers to be called) is so full of lusciosity that it is impossible to humbly reveal all of his fabulous facets in this singular forum. If I can share but a glimpse of Ravishing Richard, though, believe me, you will be satisfied and begging for more.

You're ready for the free lovefest to commence, I see. Well, then. Let's get on with the pleasure. Here are a few PANT-WORTHY PARTICULARS about our captivating Code Warrior, the most dangerous gnu I know:

1) He's a one-man talent show wrapped in a perfect package. Apparently being one of the most hands-down amazingly talented hacker/coders of all time wasn't enough for our long haired lothario. No, Richard the Great dabbles in about a billion hobbies, as well, from using his tantalizing tongue to speak Spanish, French, and Indonesian, to enjoying "affection, international folk dance, flying, cooking, physics, recorder, puns, [and] science fiction fandom." All I know is, my head is spinning. If I could have just five minutes alone with Filet O'Rich and his recorder, my life would be tastily fulfillified. I'm lovin' it.

2) Our Studly Stallman is a playful player looking for love. On his wonderful website, randarific Richard shares his adorable application to be a member of Marian Henley's Ex Boyfriend list. Marian must be La Mary Loco, because after a series of endearingly honest exchanges with our hot tamale, Richard, she never accepted his proposition. Why would this beefcake need to apply to the list? I'm glad you asked. He explains to Marian: "My motivation is not that I would like the cachet of being on the list. Rather I hope that the application process, of being judged fora place on the list, could be exciting or even joyous. If it takes you some time to decide whether I belong on the list, I won't mind waiting." Richard, if you ever read this, please, I beseech you, get in touch with us here at this blog is eggsalady. I can assure you there is a BEVY of beauties at our fingertips that would love to add you to their list.

3) Rockin' rms is a Powerhouse Politico. Our heavenly hacker is an arousing activist. His home page of hotness is a forum for a flock of captivating causes. Need to find an issue to support? Well, go to his page, close your eyes, and point, and then get ready to get schooled. StallMan the Man is ready for you to Boycott Yahoo, Hotmail, MSN, and WebTV for political censorship. He implores you not to buy Harry Potter books. He wants to talk with Hamas; he wants us all to toke up; he's ready to name a waste treatment facility after President Bush; he wants to reduce the climate change; he wants to create butterfly gardens, choose tap water, and boycot Coke. And the list goes on and on. All I care about is a lovemuffin who cares, and this lustbiscuit cares. And cares. And cares.

4) He is an anointed Saint of Sexy. Truly! He is the hallowed holyman, St. IGNUcius of the Church of Emacs. His religion is a welcoming one, as he describes: "To join the Church of Emacs, you need only say the Confession of the Faith three times: 'There is no system but GNU, and Linux is one of its kernels'." If every member of this religion is as enticing as St. IGNUcius, consider me a convert! Alleluia!

5) This fine techtreat is a No-Frills Adonis. He's no slave to the Benjamins; on the contrary, he prefers to live often as a "squatter", and in the 80's and 90's, he even lived in his office. He reveals: "It was convenient and cheap. To walk home to another place when I was sleepy was a very bad thing: first of all, if I was sleepy, it might take a couple of hours before I could get it together to put on my coat and my shoes and so on. And after that, walking home would wake me up, so when I got home I wouldn't go to sleep either. It was so much better to just be able to go to sleep where I was." That is the most luscious logic that has ever blessed my lucky ears. Hey, Richard: you ever need a place to squat, call me. I've got a spot for you right here by me.

I wish I could go on and on and on about our Racy Richard. But, alas, our time is up. I do know this: Richard Stallman is worthy of our divine worship. For these reasons and a host more, Sweet, Sweet Stallman is one uberdeserving Sexy Programmer.

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