Wednesday, April 9, 2008

Lost in translation.

Today I got slapped in the face several times by horrible things that for some reason the sheepish world masses find interesting, yet I cannot even quell an iota of concern. That probably says something about me. Whatever. All of the disinterest actually reminds me of a wee little anecdote that amuses me a little bit that the sheepish masses would probably find Tedium City. I'm going to share it anyway.

So, when I was in college, I went with three friends on the prerequisite la la la we're so liberated and free backpacking trip through Europe. Lest you think this is about to curveball into some kinkarific experimentation adventure, don't get your hopes up. Not letting my tweezers get it on with my overplucked 1998 eyebrows for three weeks in a row was maybe the craziest thing I did that trip. Anyway, so my three friends and I were in France, and my friend Katy was our French speaking representative. Actually, her then limited knowledge of the language came in very handy when we were fashioning papier mâché likenesses of the cast of Melrose Place, ordering ham sandwiches à la mode, or becoming involved in various and sundry coup d'états on our journey. But, as Katy had not progressed into French 2 before our adventure, there were many phrases that often didn't translate. Anyway, this is where the cute little anecdote comes in.

One day, jaunting through lovely Arles, France, a plucky French lady-killer on a Moped came screeching up beside us. The young stud was spitting a lot of French in my general direction, but, try as I might, I was just not getting his message. Luckily, Katy was there for the translate. "He wants you to ride you off into the sunset on his Moped with him," she shared. Before I could respond, "Oui! Oui," well-intentioned Katy was growling a response back in the direction of Frenchie. Because I am so internet savvy, I can now reveal that she was saying, "Elle ne s'intéresse pas" over and over and over again. And over again. The monsieur threw down his beret and switched his baguette from his right underarm to his left, spewing more and more French, all the while undeterred. I was confused; he was confused. Apparently Katy was confused. For, after about twenty minutes of Katy trying to send Francois away, she goes, "Oh, wait! Elle n'est pas intéressante!" As though she had just delivered the magic words, Freedom Fries scooped up Fifi the poodle, hopped back on the Moped, and sped away. "What the hell was that, Katy?" Here's the punchline: Apparently for twenty or so odd minutes, Katy had been telling my dream man that I wasn't "interesting", rather than her intended message that I wasn't "interested." Probably right on both counts, but that'll teach her a thing or two about conjugation!

Anyway, here are five other off the charts popular things in which I have absocrapping no interest:

1) Dancing with the Stars - Not gonna do it. Don't want to.

2) Sudoku - What the hell? Why has this swept the nation? Unless Chuck Woolery is literally sitting beside me, topless, rubbing my feet, and cheering me on as I snore through one of these, I'm won't.

3) Rachel Ray - The only thing that even slightly piqued my interest about the most nauseating daytime figure to ever screech on my tv is the fact that her weird boobs are hanging out of her dress. I raised one eyebrow, but, then, I completely lost interest again.

4) Superdelegates - I am so over the Superdels. Can we please stop talking about them everywhere I go? I cared for a while, cared for a while. Don't care anymore. Not interested.

5) David Archuleta - The fact that I even still watch American Idol is one thing, but this latest "America's Sweetheart" totally baffles me. I don't know if I spelled his name right. I would look it up, but I'm not interested.

Anyway, snore.

Wake up. Go here:


Theresa said...

The only one of those we have in Spain is sudoku, which as far as I'm concerned could well be called sodoffku. Ever wonder what would have happened if you had ridden off with the French stud on his moped?

Shieldmaiden96 said...

That is the scariest picture of Rachael I've ever seen.

Freddy said...

Cute france story:) I feel the same way about David A on Idol..I thought he was really cute and the best voice at the beginning, but since then...not sure what it is, but I'm thinking he might be an alien pod. Something very ugly is going to crawl out of his skin....
I like David Cook though...he's awesome.
And what's really scary is I've sort of lost interest in Idol over the years and last night I found my self becoming completely addicted to Hell's Kitchen..god help me.

SuburbanCorrespondent said...

I've never even heard of #5.

horatio salt said...

hi. it was worth stopping by again just to read the word 'kinkarific'...

what's a donzer said...

Theresa, I wonder the same thing every day.

shieldmaiden96, I agree. What made her decide that it was time to serve up her boobs with her saucy marinara?

freddy - I am all over David Cook. And, I think you are soooo right about the alien pod. You and I need to band together to warn Earth's inhabitants! Maybe Alien Archuleta is the reason you feel compelled to watch Hell's Kitchen!

suburban - I wish I could say the same.

Horatio - I'm here to serve your needs.

Bee said...

That woman in the first picture looks like she's enjoying getting smacked. (:-O

Also, Rachel Ray is looking weirder and weirder as the days go by. Maybe she's trying to match her boobs?

Malcolm said...

Glenn Ford seemed to really enjoy smacking Erin Gray of "Silver Spoons" fame. After looking up on the movie that feat. this slap, I kinda want to see it.