A wise women once believed that children are our future. So very, very profound, and yet so dead-on. I'm such a firm supporter of this esoteric theory that I went ahead and spawned some future of my very own. I like to call her Cornflake, and, apparently unlike another mother who requires a village for her kid-raising, I'm not afraid to admit I like to pimp her out, a dollar a hug. Anyway, the result of my reproduction with my babydaddy is going to turn one in just a few short days, and, as such, I feel it's time to get some book learnin' on in this piece. It's high time she smarted up a little bit, so, for her first birthday, I pulled out the old Mullatio Enterprises company card and purchased ten works of classic children's literature to begin her tutelage. I thought I'd share with you the texts she will receive come Friday, her big oh-one.
1) Ten Fat Sausages - You know, it's never too early to learn about the old kielbasa, and this book illustrates a veritable festivale of sausage, and not the skinny kind, but the full-on thickity-sized hella substantial sausage. It's a tenfold meatdream celebration, and it's amazing.
7) A Hole in the Hedge - I assume this is the second installment in the Hole series; this social studies lesson teaches the reader that there is another hole - a hole in one's hedge - and that's a lesson everyone should understand.
8) Jan's Big Bang - I don't know. This one came free when I bought nine other books. I hope it's good.
8 comments:
If my kids were ONLY that young. I know what books I'd be buying them. Waaay too funny.
Don't be fooled by Thar She Blows... its a real downer.
I was really excited to read it but halfway through I felt like the author was just going through the motions. The plot dragged along and there was no real climax to speak of. Definitely a let down.
I had no idea there was a book on snatch. I knew about Puss in Boots, but was too young to appreciate it. Let me know how it goes with 'Thar She Blows', or maybe I'll just rent the DVD.
Looks like Cornflake will have a very, um, interesting education. ;)
I love Get Busy Beaver and Treasury of Little Snatch....Hope the porn moguls don't read your post...they are always looking for fresh titles!
One of my favorite child books is Everybody Poops.
Cornflake will be the smartest child in her school!
You need to add this book to your children's library. It's about a mole who gets crapped on and looks for the culprit by comparing animal feces samples to what landed on his head.
It's very important if you want to raise your kid to go into the field of Poopology.
Is it too late to get in on Mullatio Enterprises while it's still on the ground floor?
For a real education, get the Geoge and Martha book where George looks in on Martha while taking a bath. What a perv.
I don't know where I've been. This sabbatical is killing me. Anyways - long overdue -
Mat, I think the Treasury of Snatch is for kids of ALL ages.
Cory, wow. I was hoping it would be something I could really sink my teeth into.
Damon, I'll come to you with the full report. I hope it doesn't suck.
Mother (I like that, by the way) - better we teach her than those crazy teachers at school, right?!
Oh, Freddy, my kindred spirit. Everybody Poops is classic literature for the ages.
Bee, I just spit up a little pudding. And, I liked it.
Elastic, I am SOOOO all over it. Gracias, my friend.
Alice, I want you in Mullatio, please. Your go get'em attitude is perfect for the ME brand. And, that vixen Martha was the real pervelson, I hear!
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