Sexy Programmer Thursday: Hornacious Version 3.0

Oh, hello there. I see that you have returned for the most s-s-s-sizzlin day of the week - that sanctified time when we get a taste of some sweet dollops of redhot lust; that's right - it's Sexy Programmer Thursday! Welcome - or, should I say Wilkommen - to one and all. Grab a tall glass of 2% and make yourself comfortable, because I have a Danish treat cooked to order just for you.

There may be something rotten in the state of Denmark, but there's something ohso right with our bangin Dane Bjarne Stroustrup. Oh, you're all tingly just reading his name? Well, you should be: he is a veritable technology demigod. How's that? Well, our boy Bjarne only invented what is probably the most sophisticated, exhilarating, important programming language to ever hit planet Earth. You know what I'm talking about: that's right - C++. I'm sure I don't need to tell you, but without C++: Southwest Airlines wouldn't even get one flight off the ground; Mozilla would be Nozilla; a little thing called Microsoft would be Micro perma-flaccid; you wouldn't be exploring a damn thing in Internet Explorer; Google this - oh, wait - you couldn't if it weren't for C++; there'd be no Photoshop for your brother Joey to add boobs to pictures of the entire Fall Out Boy gang; and the list goes on and on. Thank you - no - tak for lån, Bjarne. Tak for lån.

Wipe your chin. Let's cut out the small talk and turn up the heat. Here are a few MOUTHWATERING MORSELS about Sexy Strou:

1) I know - the language of pure-unadulterated-grownup-lovin is often hard to say aloud. So is our lust machine's dreamalicious name. Wikipedia tries to help us by suggesting these phonetics: "B-yar-ne Strov-stroop," but I'd rather hear the voice of the angel himself speak his erotic name o'heaven. Click here: it'll lead you to a wav file, which will lead you straight to heaven.

2) Mmmmmm. Our delicious hunk of man meat really craves his fish. Originally from Denmark, the College of Engineering Chair / Computer Science Professor at Texas A&M University loves eating "several kinds of herring, mov[ing] on to [other] fish ... and usually end[ing] with shellfish...". Oh, you're dirty, Bjarne! Stop; you're making us blush!

3) Our C++ stud gets an A++ in humility. We all know that C++ is a hottie and C# is a nottie, but will Big Bjarne get all up in C#'s grill and talk smack on that hot mess? No, sir. He had a chance to own C#with a couple quick yo momma jokes, but, instead, look how he masterfully spit this battle: "I have no comments on C# as a language. It will take a lot to persuade me that the world needs yet another proprietary language (YAPL). It will be especially hard to persuade me that it needs a language that is closely integrated with a specific proprietary operating system." Hey, C#: You just got played!

4) While we're serving up a hot cuppa 'Strup, you'll be pleased to learn that our Danish delight is no show-off. Could he display the hottest, most off the chizzy website ever created on the whole wide web? Yeah, he could. Did he? No. He kept it real. His website, skillfully titled "Welcome to Bjarne Stroustrup's homepage!" is old school, sixth grade level shiz. Why? He doesn't need some high graphics, in your face piece. This is Bjarne Frickin Stroustrup we're talking about. Not enough for you? Then read the words of the master: "I'm a 'contents provider,' not a website designer. I can use my time to improve the contents or the looks, but not both." So suck it if you don't like it. Oh. You'd like that, wouldn't you?

5) Finally, in a 2003 interview, Beautiful Bjarne revealed that as a kid in Arhus, Denmark, he was a Boy Scout who delivered newspapers and milk in order to make some money. I don't know how to say this delicately, but get a look at that picture of our Superstud on the left there. He's appears to be packing quite a load, eh? You can bet Bjarne's package delivering days did not end in his youth. Wow, Bjarne. Always Prepared, indeed!

I have three words for you, Denmark: God Bless You. If all your exports are like this, we'll order a case. Bjarne: Salut! You are one smokin' Sexy Programmer!

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