Wednesday, March 26, 2008

We rejoice in you, most wonderful week of the year!

Readers, I have wronged you.

My filthy negligence could very well have robbed you pantiless of what is probably the most important week of the entire Gregorian calendar year. That's right, players and playerhaters alike: this week, March 24 - March 30, 2008, is noneother than National Egg Salad Week!

Happy NESW, my friends! This is OUR week to get our mad mastication on with the ovum saladus extremus bonerus. Do not hate me for waiting until Wednesday to break the news to you; instead, let's just get wrecked in double time off of our favorite mayonnaisy, relishy, yolky, whitey, eggsalady treat of the gods.

In honor of this most kickasstastic occasion, I have applied for a series of patents for some new products that are going to knock North America, South America, and parts of Northeast Asia on their collective asses. I can't give away too many of the deets, but I do have a couple of questions for you, as we are still in the "testing phases", if you will: 1) Hypothetically, would you prefer an eggsalad gum in chewing or in bubble variety?; 2) Off the cuff, were your clothes to smell like eggsalad, would you rather your fabric softener be in sheet or in liquid formation?; 3) The return of Hypercolor clothing: For it or against it?

Alright, readers. You have spent too damn much time reading and far too little time enjoying this blessed holiday week of celebration.

My friends, this week is eggsalady. Salut!

If you must read while enjoying your eggsalad: peruse this - or this -


cory said...

I've got a fever, and the only prescription is ball-dipped egg salad!

Happy NESW, one and all!

dub-b said...

What, what, what?! I can't believe I'm just now hearing about this! But, I'm too excited to be mad at you...I didn't even know such a spectacular week actually existed.
To answer your questions:
1)Maybe I'm greedy but I like both...sometimes you want to chew, sometimes you want to blow.
2)Again...can't we have the best of both worlds? We use the liquid form for laundry, but we rub dryer sheets on mini dub-b to keep the skeeters off. If he smelt like egg salad after that...well it's just too good to ever actually happen.
3)As if anyone was ever against hypercolor. I'm now dreaming of the day when I'll own my eggsalady shirt that not only changes color in the sun, but the scent of egg salad grows stronger as the shirt warms up. (That wouldn't cause food poisoning would it?!)

Happy NESW!

Freddy said...

Happy NESW!! I'm hungry...time to go to Whole Foods!
Hey does tofu egg salad count? I guess that's cheating...
Loved all the pics!

julius bloop said...

it's important to eat mayo-gobbed egg zygotes in order to fuel comedy writing.

i hope this week does for egg salad what february did for black people.

frees it from the slavery of mind indigestion.

whats a donzer is the abraham lincoln of egg salad. except without the beard and hat. well, maybe the hat...