Thursday, May 1, 2008

Sexy Programmer Thursday: Smokin Hot Senior Version 10.0

It's a crazy, specially-seasoned-longer-for-extra-hot-hot-hotness-edition of Sexy Programmer Thursday! Today we are honored to present one of the gilfiest techies upon whom any man or woman has ever laid an unworthy pair of eyes. He is such a smokin hot trailblazer on such a smokin hot day that our programming pioneer almost convinced me to devote an entire month to his cause. He is a tasty bite of fruit, ripened-oh-so-right; he is an early bird special at our most ravenous time of need. He's a master programming class in a sea of Typing 101s. He is our oldschool bite of babe.

Who is this beacon of retrohunk? Well, fellow lusters, he is simply the inventor of probably the most important attachment your computer has ever met. Your fingers are constantly clicking all over his sultry contributions - that's right, gawkers and droolers: he' s megameat maestro, the inventor of the mouse (and hypermedia, and multiple windows, and command meta language and much, much, muchity much much more) - Darling Doug Engelbart. Like I said - the mouse. You know your dirty little paws are all over that poor little mousy all day, and all of the night. Well, why don't you craft a fancy little letter to Dougie thanking him for your best friend. You owe him, you know.

You want more. You want so much more. He's aged to perfection; he's seasonably matured. He's a full-grown fantasy-fest, and he's right here. Here are a few TEASPOONS OF TASTY, Excellent Engelbart stylee.

1) Our bodacious babe isn't afraid to break a beautiful sweat. Doug the Wonderdrug is into all sorts of physical activity: from folk dancing, to hiking to camping (just imagine pitching a tent with this fox!). He loves sailing and bike riding and exercising of all sorts (I need to sit down; my heart is r-r-r-racing). I'm getting a workout just thinking about Dear Old Doug's steamy moves.

2) Smooth Dougie Doug thinks morning, noon, and night of ways to help the world. Brainiac El Smartington wants to make all of us lesserbrains smarter for the world's greater good. While the rest of us peons are sitting on our dumb butts playing Rock Band at Best Buy during our lunch breaks and downloading BSG spoilers while our Ham and Cheese Hot Pocket is warming in the break room microwave, our supertech is "finding ways to augment mankind's intellect" so people can "increase their capability to solve complex problems." And you never even sent him a thank you card, did you?

3) This erotic earthlover is one with his surroundings. He's a true nature nuzzler - an adorable outdoor Adonis. He raises ducks, earthworms, and bees, and he loves teaching others the scintillating scenarios of science. Oh, to be an earthworm in Dr. Doug's cardboard box. Would that I were a bee in his hive, I'd make only the sweetest honey for my Honey Doug. I'd happily waddle my waddler all over the place for my fresh Farmer. High ho the derry-oh if Farmer Doug is in the Dell. E-I-E-I-Oooooohhhhh.

4) He's got more bling than the most ballin playa. It would take two weeks straight to type out all the awards and honors Dynamic Doug has won in his luscious lifespan. In December, 2000, Presidential candidate Hillary Clinton's husband Bill bestowed the highest award for technological achievement the United States has to offer, the National Medal of Technology, upon our dawg Doug. In 1997, My Heart Belongs to Engelbart won the Lemelson-MIT Prize, and along with it, oh yeah, a check for $500,000. You should see his episode of Cribs. It's hella gangsta. And so is Doug.

5) He's so fly he could win the Mr. America pageant on his fly world peace platform alone. That's right - his total drop dead hotness notwithstanding, he just wants us all to get along, for collaboration is the ultimate key to world unity and peace in the eyes of our stud. He wants to build collaborative worldwide communities in order to "advance the evolution of society and its institutions" and "find much better ways for people to work together to make this world a better place." Hey, Darling Doug, come over here: we'll begin our own Hands Across America campaign right in my frontyard. I'll show you ways to collaborate you've never even thought of before.

So, my friends, isn't it obvious why our Master of the Mouse, Doug Engelbart, is this week's fi-hi-hine Sexy Programmer! We aren't afraid to admit: we like our programmers well-seasoned, and you know what? He's cooked to perfection. Doug, my Love, since you have entered my life, I will never again be the same. Engelbart - you've stolen my heart.
cool-down over here:


Alice said...

I've decided that I'm only going to lust after this sexy programmer if he is also responsible for the wireless mouse. Which I really love. Almost as much as the Hershey Corporation.

cory said...

I'd like to right click on him and get a look at his dropdown menu... if you know what I mean.

what's a donzer said...

Alice, anything wireless has done oh so right by me. And, hell to the yes on the Hersheys call. Mr. Goodbar is the private dancer in my den of lust.

Cory, I know what you mean. And, I just want to publicly acknowledge that your comment is the stuff from which dreams are made.

Freddy said...

He kinda looks like Mr. Burns meets Marty Scorsese...