Friday, May 2, 2008

Real happiness is: me, you, and three giddy loved ones in gigantic whiteys.

I have been distracted from my sabbatical yet again, but, once more, it is for a crucial reason. You see, I believe in my heart of hearts that tonight I have found the key to true real deal Paula Abdul batshit type happiness, and I would never be able to fall asleep if I did not share the happiness key with you. I don't even remember what I was googling when I came across the happiness holy grail, but it practically knocked me on my ass with delight when I discovered it. This is what I want for my birthday; this is what I will be giving to you on your birthday. All for the low, low price of $19.50 before S&H, we can become the new beacons of world peace together - for, it all starts with five of us. Five of us in a gigantic pair of whiteys. See below:Do you see how blissfully, adorably happy Randy, Hung, Brad S., Scotty, and Mya look standing together in their massive underpants? Do you see how though we can't see inside the whiteys, we just instinctively know that Hung and Scotty's fingers are gently intertwined, metaphorically bridging the gap of years upon years of social injustice? Isn't it amazing that even though Brad S. remembered to pack his hiking boots, tube socks, and his favorite striped Izod for the shoot, he inadvertently forgot to wear his shorts, thereby causing Hung's endearing cheshire cat grin to be unleashed upon all of our hearts and forever stamped in our brains? Aren't we all pleased to see that Mya's expression isn't even the slightest twinge bitch,pleaseish at all, though she came to the shoot thinking she'd be the only female present only to look over and see Randy in all Randy's estrogen laden glory there crashing the manmeat fiesta, too? None of it matters! For, all is forgiven when you are standing with your homies in humongous creepy dad briefs.

It's harmony, brothers and sisters, and it can be ours. If you can't wait for my present to you to arrive, order your spare pair here: Archie McPhee. I can't wait to stand in whiteys with you, forging our way to world peace, love, and prosperity.

for now, please click me gently, right here. you won't regret it.


Tracy said...

This is the one thing that I think can truly start the peace process. I am in awe of the gigantic whiteys!
I can just see it now, in ten year when my kids are all teenagers, we'll all climb into the gigantic whiteys and the eye rolling will stop, the attitudes will go away, and everyone will be happy!

Alice said...

When you say 'I don't remember what I was googling when I found this' - I'm don't really believe you.

I demand some sort of Google history search on the words that put you there!

Freddy said...

So much for your sabbatical! I could you pass this one up! Too much! How many people can you fit into a giant pair of underwear?
I think this could also be the poster for National Spankout Day - the two in front look like they're spanking - one being a lefty - and the poster could ready - "Spank together on National Spankout DAy!


Giant Tighty Whiteys.....binding testicles and bringing humanity together.

Quick! Get Cat Stevens to write a song about it!

Bee said...

Finally undies that are my size!!! And at a reasonable price? SCORE!!!

Malcolm said...

Now how in the hell did they get a hold of a pair of John Madden's briefs?

Meg said...

Not to be difficult, but can I order mine with Hello Kittys on them?

Mongoliangirl said...

I always knew YOU would come up with the next great idea for uniting all of us. Thanks!

April said...

i am not washing those!

what's a donzer said...

How did I never respond to this? Seriously - what the hell is wrong with me? Anyway, if any of you ever read this:

Tracy - amen. Peace, love, and whiteys.

Alice - er. Um. Er. I don't know. But I am sure "Scientology" was nowhere in the search. I think.

Freddy - you are so right on about the poster. Let's work on it together for Spankout '-09, yes?

Elastic - I love it. We gotta unbind Cat's testes first, but then, on to the song!

Bee - I'm right there with you. We can get these and still afford the number one with cheese a coke and a Frosty at Wendy's, too!

Malc - hahahahahahahahaha! Love that!

Meg - whatever does it for you. And, Sanrio's feline representative certainly couldn't hurt the peace process. So, yes. Good thinking.

Thanks, Mongolian. Let's get the ball rolling, eh? By the way...I am trying to leave comments on The Cusp, but I am asked to have a WordPress account. Is this true, or am I just a moron who can't figure things like commenting out (probably the latter). Anyway, I'm reading, and commenting in my head, for sure.

April, I'm with you. Since it's a peace referendum, I'm sure Jimmy Carter would have some ideas on the undies cleansing. Perhaps he's reading this now and will soon report back...