Thursday, July 29, 2010

Sexy Programmer Thursday: Hot For Teacher Version 18.0

I know you.  You woke up bright eyed and bushy tailed this morning, ready for action.  For, it is that glorious day, that most wonderful day of the week when all of your most private desires materialize before your very eyes.  Hooray!  It is Sexy Programmer Thursday!  It's a very special week here at SPT.   Very soon - if my financial aid and scholarship packages come through that is (criss cross applesauce, now I've got my fingers crossed, please please help, Sexy Programming gods, I appeal to you and your magnificent rods) - I'll be on the road to my very own, in person, real life, actual living, breathing fantasy come true.  You see, I've found the Sexy Programming Teacher who out-sexies all other teachers in the land.  It's Babealicious Billy Hollis, and he's this week's amazingly sexy programmer.

What was I babbling about with all that about praying to the SP gods and the ruckus about the scholarships?  Well, friends, you may need to sit down for this.  Our living dream, Microsoft MVP, trainer of all the developers on the .NET tour (imagine the barometric pressure of hotness on that tour bus!), author of over ten books including the first book ever published on Visual Basic .NET, Billy Hall of Fame Hollis is personally training anyone (ME!ME!ME!) willing to learn, and also write a check, on Microsoft Silverlight, the sultriest, smoothest development platform this side (or any other side) of the Mississippi.  I swear, my access protocol is in absolute overdrive!  Obviously, I'm saving each and every nickel to be personally molded by the hands of the Hollis.  Truthfully, I'm a beginner, and this Beginner can't wait to experience that All-purpose Symbolic Instruction Code all up on my framework!  Yowza!

I have to admit, this is not my first square dance with the lord of the code.  Bringin'It Billy's sidekick, Rocky Lhotka, was a former Sexy Programmer himself back in the '08.  Ever since Rockin Lhotka graced the hallowed halls of SPT, I just haven't been able to get his yummy partner out of my mind.  His very scope encapsulates all that is the sex in a sexy programmer.  But, my exhaustive search for Billy's favorite Slow Jamz and also his underwear size have been completely in vain.  I've found virtually nothing on my dream man. I know that he lives in naughty Nashville (only approximately 243.8 miles from my house!  Let the drive-by stalking commence!)

Until I meet him in person and probe him about his favorite jello flavor (here's hoping it's lemon lime!) and whether he's allergic to any medications, we have the words from his Silverlight Synopsis to keep us warm at night.  Let's sample some of the sexy sweet-nothings he's suavely streaming:
  • "You’ve never made a transition like the one you are about to make." - Oh my God.  Are your thighs quivering, too?
  • "But getting access to [this sexy programmer's] power requires overcoming a double-barreled challenge." - I'd like to overcome his double-barrel for access to that power, if you know what I mean!
  • Also, included on the class syllabus, this little Billy double entendre':  "Brief overview of additional capabilities (time permitting)" -  I can't wait to view those additional capabilities right over me.  Oh, yeah.  Time will be permitting, I can assure you that.
Since real life Wild Billy Hollis has provided mere teasers into his soul, it's time, once again, for my fantasy Billy to come to life.

"Just look at the legions of panty-droppers over there trying to catch a glimpse of this denim on denim combo.  Do you think this tan backdrop brings out the so-called proverbial 'butt-cut' in my bangs?  By the way, if you thing my bangs are curly..."
"'cause I've got one hand in my pocket, and the other one is covering my chin zit!"
 "Fortune and glory, kid.  Fortune and glory.  It kinda looks like I am inexplicably checking my email, sitting in a Hoveround dressed in my full Indiana Jones regalia while adjacent to the Supreme Court building in the middle of a clear Tuesday evening.  I am.  And I'm still a mother-load of sexy, pal." 

"Woh oh woh.  I'm a galaxy defender..."

All right.  Once again, I'm overheating.  Time to call if a day and go visit the old savings and loan to appeal for fundage for Silverlight Sexyfest '10.   Save your pennies, and maybe you can join me.  Until then, we'll always have Ballin' Billy Hollis, Sexy Programmer 18.0.


C. Cocksedge said...

I'm still not convinced that's a DUDE! The first pic looks like he could be the wife of Bilbo Baggins.

Chris T. said...

I know him (by proxy). My brother worked at Microsoft with him, and he said he really was a distractingly sexy son of a bitch.

what's a donzer said...

C. Cock: I've had enough of you. Clearly your judgment of sexy programmers is clouded.

Chris T: Tell me more, slowly and softly.