Tuesday, August 3, 2010

I'm Gonna Put This Dream in Motion

Are you sitting down?  I hope you are sitting down, because you and I are about to make some history, my friend.  I've known you for a while, and I've seen that little glimmer in your eye; you're ready for a revolution. 

Do you feel something electric in the air today?  My God, I know I do.  If you're anything like me (Who are we kidding here?  You and I are like Funyuns and chocolate sauce - two intertwined lovers who shall never part ways), then you bounced out of bed, delightfully energized, because August 3 just feels completely different.  I agree.  It is. 

Today, if you'll join me, I propose that we, together, glorify quite possibly the most poontastic living legend you and I have seen in all our living, breathing, sweating, panting, crying, itching for indeterminate reasons days. How in the hell anyone has yet to give our magnificent hero his own (unofficial) holiday, I will never, ever know.  But they haven't.  And we will.  Please, friends, won't you join me in creating and celebrating that day that God selflessly granted us the greatest Ocean anyone has ever stared longingly into while casually yet hastily removing each and every layer of our cumbersome undergarments? 

Please join with me in proclaiming August 3, 2010 the very first Billy Ocean Day.  Why today?  Why the hell not?  You and I both have volumes of Billy Ocean fan fiction tucked away in our bedside tables.  Why in God's name shouldn't we make our hero worship official?

Since we're just kicking off our celebration of a holiday that will obviously live on and on forever and ever until infinity, I'm open to any and all suggestions regarding how we proceed with the festivities.  Clearly, you should ask your boss for the day off.  Hell, I'd be surprised if he's still sitting his happy behind in front of his old personal computer right now and not in some bar sharing the same dream with his own Caribbean Queen. 

I'd love your ideas on how to proceed.  Until I hear from you, I'll leave you with a few haikus dedicated to our sweet Ocean on this most hallowed day.

Ocean fantasy
Fondling giant Pick Up Sticks
Now I'll die happy.

Goatee, jean jacket
Turtleneck ribbed for pleasure
 Jheri curls of love


Get out of my dreams
Scarlet leisure suit o'sex
Get into my car.

Holy shit, Billy!
A diploma for hotness?
I saw it coming.

Anyway, pals.  Happy Freaking Billy Ocean Day '10.  Now our love of the Ocean has a place to convene.  No more love on the run.  No.  No more love on the run.


cory said...

Get out of my dreams, get into pants, you Carribean King you!

cory said...

Damn't... that should have said "get into my pants". I blew it. pun intended.

Also, when did Billy Ocean turn into Whoopi Goldberg?

Kralldaddy said...

"get into pants"???? Way to go Brick Tamland! "The... party. With the... with the pants. Party with pants?"

Don said...

Your post inspired me to create a "Billy Ocean" radio station in Pandora. Listening to the sweet mellow voices of artists like Kool & the Gang, Hall & Oates, Marvin Gaye, Micheal Jackson, Lionel Richie, and Phil Collins has transported me back to the golden years of the 80's. I turn on the music, close my eyes and tune out the modern world.

I suddenly have an urge to go buy a white linen suit, pastel colored t-shirt and a pair of Ray-Ban Wayfarers.

Rock On!