Saturday, February 23, 2008

views from the emotionally stunted confessional booth

The other day, I saw a pair of shoes online that I had to - HAD TO - have. I am not a shopper. In fact, I am kind of a kicking and whining seven year old boy being dragged around by his mom through endless rows of infinite tedium and anguish during the entire shopping ordeal - clothing specifically. I don't particularly enjoy online shopping, either. It's like I still get the cold sweats and feelings of fish-outta-waterdom even browsing from the comforts of my nice, fluffy sofa. That is neither here nor there. I tell you, though, about my commercial aversion in order to explain why I was so defeated when I went to buy these shoes that I HAD TO have that, alas, were unavailable in my size. Being denied these shoes sent me down a several day hunt searching for a pair available to fit my size 8 and a half hoofs. I'll spare you the infinite tedium and anguish and reveal to you that this afternoon, at approximately 1:30 pm, I found the shoes I was looking for. And, so, I jubilantly pulled out my shiny Visa card and proudly typed those numbers, feeling victorious at my win for the home team.

But then, of course, like clockwork, the rumination kicked in. Why was it so dang important for me to find these shoes? Allow me to show you, friends, the shoes that were life and death for me to acquire:
And there they are. They are limited edition artist designed Little Red Riding Hood Converse Chuck Taylors. I believe I have mentioned to you that I am not actually a seven year old boy. Go on - you can chuckle. Yes, those shoes do happen to be emblazoned with a fairy tale cartoon. And, now these shoes are causing a bounty of thoughts to flood my brain:
1) Aren't moms supposed to, you know, wear clothes that moms wear? Watch out, friends, here comes Freudy: I really wonder - am I subconsciously attempting to suppress the mommy in me by wearing shoes equal to or below Cornflake's maturity level?
I haven't been completely honest with you. I have been down this road before - it was about a month ago when I decided that Cornflake's 1st birthday party should probably surround a Candyland theme (yeah - her 1st birthday, still nearly three months away). At that time, I couldn't rest until I found a Candyland shirt for she and I to wear because, you know, these things are sooooo important. Anyway, here's my new shirt:
Oh, and, let me point out that while I am the proud owner of a Candyland shirt, Cornflake will likely be wearing a dress to her first birthday party, you know, because that's a little more mature for a fiesta. She won't be a baby anymore, afterall.
2) Are the clothes that I wear the only area in which I am a little emotionally, er, undergrown? Again - the ruminating commenced, and I realize so many things: a) I don't buy big girl makeup. No; if it comes from the drugstore, that's good enough for me. Is that wrong for a mommy? Now I think maybe yes; b) I have never actually consumed a big girl cup of coffee. Unh uh. I'm not Mormon (but a shout out to all the Mormons in the house! What what!) It's just something I never gave a shot. For that matter, tea, lattes, cappucinos, frappucinos, crappucinos have not crossed my path, either; c) I couldn't hem pants/bake a quiche/crochet an afghan/keep a plant alive to save my life; d) I'll spare you - I could go on and on and on with this list. Am I normal? What is wrong with me? At what point in my development did maturity fail me?
Oh, New Chuck T's. You are ever so cute, but look at what you have done to me. Well, you know what? Maybe I am a seven year old boy stuck in the body of a mommy. But, gosh darn it, I am going to be the best seven year old brother Cornflake has ever had.


dub-b said...

I used to wear the Chuckie T's. I'd buy 2 different colors, say red and purple, and wear one of each. I also had the really high high top ones that you could fold down displaying 2 colors on the same shoe because the inside was a different color than the outside (kinda like reversible). When you mixed and matched those, that was 4 colors. That was so awesome.

It was also elementary school. But that isn't really the point.

what's a donzer said...


I am now violently punching keys to find 2 new pairs of hightops. This is a great idea.

dub-b said...

Click here to see the awesomeness that were the knee high chuck taylors. But don't blame me when you start losing sleep because your futile quest to secure a pair of your very own keeps you up nights.