Monday, February 25, 2008

this day is nuts, yo!

Literally! It's February 26 (despite what the heading above this post says!), and you know what that means: It's National Pistachio Day!


There is so much about nuts that I just don't know! So, naturally, on this holiest of days dedicated to the holiest of nuts (or, so I like to think of our friend Stash), where else would I turn but pistachios.org?

When I opened the pistachio site to end all pistachio sites, I was SHOCKED to discover that the pistachio is one of the humblest of nuts. Nowhere to be seen was a "Congratulations Pissy" or a "Happy Pistachio Day, Apetalous Unisexual Wonder." Not for this understated nut. As a matter of fact, pistachios.org had the chutzpah to provide me with minimal factual information; instead, the site instructed me to contact one of five other experts on the subject if I had any questions about my little green nuts. Oh, really? You sly dog, you. Maybe I will contact CPEC (The California Pistachio Export Council. Duh.) with my questions. Actually, I think I'll join CPEC. That's what you'd like, isn't it, Pistachio?

What the supreme pistachio site did give me was what is apparently the pistachio's motto, coined by one Thomas Jefferson. I'll share it with you: “The greatest service which can be rendered any country is to add a useful plant to its culture.” Do you suppose Founding Father Jefferson was thinking of this quote while he was busy planting his (both 2legit2quit and not2legit2quit) seed all up and down Virginia? One thing's sure to me now: he was certainly well aware of his prized nuts.

Lest you leave this post having learned nothing substantial about our new friend, I feel I should give you a few pistachio quickies (Thank you, PISTACHIO Fruit Facts!). These nuts are: broad and bushy; these nuts are reddish, wrinkled, and grapelike. These nuts should be pruned to avoid overgrowth. And of course, these nuts are delightfully tasty.

One final thought: I would like to initiate a movement to take back the reputation of the pistachio from some depraved individuals who, pathetically and zealously, set out to sully it. As you may or may not know, in some circles, certain individuals toss around the word "pistachio" to mean "A woman of loose moral character. Further, a woman that one takes home for the night." Maybe it's easy for you, Ludacris to toss around words like "I was with some nasty ho's eatin' pistachios" as though you were simply on a walk to retrieve your morning paper, but, I'll remind you, Sir: Words Have Power! What did the pistachio do to you? Perhaps a loyal this blog is eggsalady reader might answer the challenge and pen the very petition that returns the dignity to the pistachio name. Readers: Are you up for this task?

Now, go celebrate the big day. Grab a handful of nuts and enjoy. You know I'd put a pair in my mouth if only I could chew. Tammy (nee' Timmy the nutless wonder) is going to get a couple of pistachios in the old kibble bowl in commemoration. Happy Pistachio Day, one and all.

6 comments:

dub-b said...

w00t! This is the holiday I've been waiting for! Pistachios are the bomb diggity. When I get home I'm going to dig my nuts out (of the pantry of course, what were you thinking?) and celebrate this glorious occassion until my fingertips have turned red (from the pistachios you sicko, jeez).

cory said...

Nut lovers worldwide rejoice, today is your day!

Well done, Whats a donzer... I believe you have penned your masterpiece!

cory said...

This nut discussion was so delightfully delicious I felt like I had to come back for seconds.

Your unparalled knowledge of all things nutty is something to be admired, Whats A Donzer.

Rocky jr said...

You have inspired me. Afer work I'm going to invite someone special over, plow the lawn, throw down some seeds and watch the nuts grow.

what's a donzer said...

I am so glad that everyone is in the spirit of this glorious holiday!

Anyone else have a sudden hankering for some Eazy E?

Adrienne Manson said...

I just wanted to take a bit out of those donuts. Plus I am a way big fan of nuts especially pistachios. good going.