Sexy Programmer Thursday: The Return of the Mac(k), Version 14.0

Holy Smack, my friends. We've been away oh so long, but we didn't forget about you, and we've brought you back some smoldering souvenirs to titillate your techie tingles. I hear you've had a mean jones for some programming playa. Well, look no further, because we're back once again to feed your compucravings. That's right, get ready to warm up the old hard drive, because it's time for some codestroking. Yes, sir; Happy Sexy Programmer Thursday, one and all! It's gonna be a hot one!

Today's MacNugget is as juicy as they come. He's one of the original members of the Macintosh Powerhouse Team (and, the sexiest!), and most people call him the creative machine of the bunch. Well, we call him the love machine of the bunch, but that's neither here nor there. Actually, it's both here and there - Schwing! - but we digress. Our tender morsel of moist machismo is responsible for creating the most important creative programs in the history of that sexy beast, the CPU. That's right, I'm talking about QuickDraw, MacPaint and HyperCard, and, of course I'm referring to Beautiful Bill Atkinson.

Bill brings the Sexy, and then Some, and we could talk for days and days (and days) and then two weeks more all about him, but we'd rather just treat ourselves to a visual feast of Bill on a platter. Alas, I guess we should reveal a few SPINETINGLING SIPS of Atkinson lovin, so we can get all good and revved up for the Bill Potion we're about to swallow. I'm gonna keep it brief, though, so we can get straight to the sweetstuff.

1) How's This For Irony? Just when you were imagining the dirtiest of the dirty Billy related deeds, guess who happens to hold the one and only patent for the "pull down menu"? That's right - Adorable Atkinson, himself! Just how many flavors of pulldown can I order from that menu, Mr. A? I'll take all of them, and make it a double!

2) He's Got a Digital Passion. I know - you're passionate about your digits all over Bill. That's not what I said. He has a passion for digital photography, and, in fact, he is one of the most well known, well respected, freaking sexiest digital photographers in the frickin free world. Bill went full on photography pro in 1996, and you can check out some of his nature photos at his hot and sexy site, Bill Atkinson Photography. My mind reels thinking about Bill, the naturally beautiful specimen, photographing other naturally beautiful specimens that surround him. It's like a monster delicious riddle that my libido is trying to solve.

3) Thank You, Wired.com, for Providing Our Infinite Fantasy Fodder. Thank you. Somehow, this Steven Levy guy was granted an immense gift from God and he was allowed to interview our Babe Bill. Well, Steven Levy isn't afraid to gloat about it, either. Have a look at what he said about our creative genius: Bill Atkinson "is an intense communicant. Bill is an eye-contact person, giving you total attention, really wanting to know how you are doing, how you are feeling. He hugs." Oh, Steven Levy. I don't know how much Satan paid to purchase that soul of yours, but you should be personally responsible for sponging up the drool and tears that resulted in your description of Bill's attention. His hugs. My (fantasy) hugs.

And now, back by popular demand: A Gallery of the Sexy. An Anthology of Arousal. A Ministry of MadCodingHotarificProgrammingLove. All for you. Because I love you. Because I care. I give you Wild Bill Atkinson, at his finest: The Atkinson Senior Picture Collection.

The Money Shot. Obviously. There's nothing that says Sexy like a toothy grin, and this grin is the toothiest. Coupled with a faded denim buttondown, that winning equation smells seduction in my book. Hey, Bill? Did you know that your eyes match your shirt exactly? Well, they also happen to match the color of my sheets exactly. Come over and I'll show you.


Oh, Billy Boy! The Classic Cheek Stroke? For realz? Atkinson, what are you doing to me? In this pose, you are far less toothy, but far more well-lit. In this light, I can see three new purple buttons that I hadn't even imagined living on your shirt before. You tease. That's three more buttons that need to be unbuttoned, you scamp! This pose says mature. It says thoughtful. It says that gale force winds aren't soon to knock you off that crushed velvet laden table. Or out of my dreams.

And the piece de' resistance. The ethereal Bill. The unafraid to bust out the cheek smoosh Bill. The freaking light of the heavens shining down on Bill just as they did in the perimeter of my eighth grade prom picture. Different day, same shirt, but this time gray. Still sexy. It's as though you are staring out of the pages of my Senior yearbook into the corners of my soul. I see your sideways grin, you stud. You know what time that Timex of yours says? It says it's time to call me.

Oh, Bodacious Bill Atkinson, you are the Mack Daddy of all Mac Daddies. You are one truly amazingly sexy programmer. Thanks for heating up the return of Sexy Programmer Thursday.