Thursday, August 5, 2010

Sexy Programmer Thursday: Soooo Big Version 19.0

Happy Sexy Programmer Thursday, Purveyors of Passion.  Thursdays are always orgasmic around here, but today marks an especially sexy occasion.  You see, today is the nineteenth lustacious version of SPT, and you know what 19.0 is in binary translation:  that's right, it's the sexiest number of all - 10011.  To mark the red hot anniversary, I'm going to share the sexiest conversation to which I have ever been privy.  It's a sexy progammer manmeat comparison festivale.  Maybe it's sexist.  I don't care, because it's sexy.  So, eat your heart out, friends, and check out what some Sexy Programmer All Stars are packing.
Holy Paps!  I think that's free software programmer Miguel de Icaza, best known for starting the GNOME and Mono projects.  Hey Miguel de Icaza:  How big is Miguel?

Sooo big.

Really, de Icaza?  Because I, Guido van Rossum, king of Python
(both literally and literally.  huh huh.), have seen your junk.
Dude.  You're this big.

What's that, Miguel?  Can't hear you. 

Come on,van Rossum, man.  I'm like this.  They call me the Mexican Johnny Cash based upon my habit of simultaneously wearing black sweaters with equally black slacks, and also because I have a gigantic phallus as I understand Johnny Cash also possessed.

What?  Still unable to hear ya, little buddy.  Oh, hey.  There's Bill Atkinson!  He was part of the Apple Macintosh development team and also was the creator of the groundbreaking Mac Paint application, among others, so he knows a thing or two about judging programming junk size.  Didn't he see you in the locker room that one time? Hey, Atkinson?  How big is de Icaza's junk over here?

Miguel's junk, Guido?  About like this.

You guys are so full of crap. I'm so peeved off right now I could take off my black sweater.    
Yeah.  I'm losing the black sweater.

That's so much better.  But, my rod is seriously like this. Oh, good to see you, inventor of the Logo programming language Seymour Papert.  How's things?

Get a load of you, de Icaza.  You say your junk is like this?  A ha ha.  Aaaaah ha ha.  Hahahahahahaha!  Hey, Brendan Eich, creator of JavaScript, Miguel de Icaza thinks his member is like this!

Really, buddy?  I think it's more like this.  Hahahaha.  Hahahahaha.  God.  You crack me up, de Icaza.  Yeah.  You're legendary.  Isn't he legendary, pioneer of virtual reality, Jaron Lanier?

I hear it's more like this!

No, wait.  I'm remembering wrong.  It was more like this.

Ha ha ha!  Ha ha.  Ahahahaha!  Good one, Lanier!

And while we're at it, I'm hung like an IBM System/370 Model 145.  Hahaha.  Ahahahaha.  Hahahahahahaha!  
Whatever, guys.  I'm out of here.

Aaaaand, so are we.  Happy Sexy Programmer Thursday Version 10011.  You deserve it. 


Your Future Second Husband said...

This was awesome. Some may say it is not your funniest post, but I scoff at those people. You make magic out of programmers, and that must be a real challenge. I don't know you, but right now I am trying to investigate all of your favorite things in order that I might romance you. Now tell me: does your heart desire diamonds or Boston Market coupons? Perhaps a combination of both...

Roland F. Salmonson said...

Seriously. Your talents are wasted on the programmers. I think you should lose 'em. Why don't you move on to where the thunder is? Move on to some accountants.

Eric Ewald said...

Bravo. This is awesome.

C. Cocksedge said...

Wow, Donzer!

Just when I think your S.P.T. posts couldn't get any DUMBER
, you go and pull a post like this....AND TOTALLY REDEEM YOURSELF!!!!!

Actually, they are usually good, but this one was GREAT....I just like to quote 'Dumb and Dumber' once a day and you helped fill my quota for Aug 5th. Thanks.

It was just the right length, like my Johnson

When reading this weeks S.P.T, I kept picturing Schmoyoho
auto-tuning a song to it. If they did an auto-tuned version, it would be like a sore jimmy, hard to beat.

Anonymous said...

I'm really disappointed actually, so how big is his Johnson?

Pat M. said...

Do you have any plans to make a SPT calendar? I've got 68 or so friends in the greater Cleveland area foaming at the mouth to get their hands on one.